The first time I found out I was pregnant with my eldest, I broke down in tears. We were not expecting to fall pregnant so soon after miscarrying our first baby at 12weeks only 3months earlier, so it was such a mix of emotions, crying with happiness and also the fear of losing another.

The first 28weeks of my pregnancy went without a hitch. I had no morning sickness or any side effects of pregnancy to be honest apart from the weight gain and boy did I gain a lot.  I had sooo many scans in the early days as I was completely terrified of losing this baby as I did my first. But as soon as I hit 28weeks, everything started to happen, I had multiple growth scans because the midwifes were worried baby was growing too big. I had diabetes and pre-eclampsia tests and countless blood tests as the doctors were starting to worry more and more.

On one of our many growth scans we were told that baby was not only growing big but was also breach and could not be born naturally as this could pose too many risks to both of us given the size and position.  This absolutely petrified me, the thought of an operation to cut baby out of me, no thanks, but I had no choice!

My plan was always to work as far along as I could but with my pre-eclampsia scare, the doctors advised me to work from home. I handed my work back in on my last day at 36.4 weeks pregnant and headed in for my last scan before being told my section date. Having read and signed the consent forms and feeling incredibly overwhelmed and definitely not ready for what was to happen, I had decided to give myself the weekend to get my head around it and start organising all the baby stuff. However baby had other ideas and the next day (not giving me any time to rest from leaving work) I went into labour unknowingly.

The pain was un-real but it never felt like contractions as I was having one continuous feeling of pain, so labour didn’t enter my mind, I was in the bath so never noticed if my waters broke or not. The pain was so intense that my mum rushed me into hospital and called my dad on the way to get my partner from work. The hospital put me onto a monitor and soon realised I was having big contractions and was already half way dilated, with baby being breach they rushed me into the surgery room and I had an emergency c-section and I was a complete mess, I was that person screaming and crying with panic.

I had only been in hospital for 3hours and my gorgeous rainbow baby boy was born at 9lbs 4oz, just over 3 weeks early. Due to the nature and emergency around his birth. Oscar needed to spend 11days in the NICU to help with his breathing. He is now a sassy little 4.5 year old!

We tried for our second son for over a year before getting pregnant, I was starting to think Oscar wasn’t going to have a little brother or sister. But the best news came when Oscar was 2.5years.  This pregnancy was full of scans and tests early on to make sure I didn’t go the same way as I did with Oscar. The trauma I felt around his birth worried me and made me nervous it would happen again. So we finally decided after constantly going back and forth that we would have a planned section this time and hope for a smooth delivery. Oscar and Isaac

I had a lot of physio this time around because of the pain in my back and hips, baby was curled up at the bottom and tucked into my pelvis, it was so unbelievably uncomfortable. Through the whole pregnancy all the midwife’s and scanners assured me that baby would not be a normal weight and not as big as Oscar and that there was nothing to worry about the birth. Boy were they wrong and I always had a feeling they would be. (Trust your instincts ladies)

At 39.4 weeks pregnant we woke up and drove into the hospital for our planned c-section. All was smooth and lovely leading up to the birth. Right up until I walked into the surgery room. I then became that screaming, crying and panicky mess again. Worrying about what was to happen. Everybody in the room was so lovely and got me onto the table ready to give birth.  But baby was stuck and wasn’t coming out, so while I was feeling sick and shaky, I had one surgeon pushing so hard on my belly while the other was trying to pull baby out and although I didn’t feel a thing while it was happening, I felt the pain and bruising afterwards.

Baby finally came out and I will never forget the words the surgeon said to me, ‘thank goodness you had a section, he is massive!’

I had given birth to a second beautiful baby boy called Isaac. The midwife took him away and weighed him, a whopping 10lb 3oz, so glad I listened to my instincts and what my body was telling me. This time we were only in hospital for one night and were able to take him home to meet his excited big brother.

Although both my births were very different in so many ways and both left me feeling a little traumatised, I wouldn’t change a single thing as that is the story of how my boys entered this world. I can honestly tell you the pain you felt disappears and you’re left with the complete and overwhelming feeling of love for your beautiful babies.